I had my 49th treatment on Monday, but first let me back up and fill you in on what’s been happening the past three weeks.
I was originally scheduled for treatment #49 the day after President’s Day at a different treatment center. My regular center had been shut down for the past two months because of flooding, and it had been a crazy and chaotic time.
So I get all checked in and they take my blood samples.
The nurse starts looking at my neck area with concern because I have rashes all over.
At my last treatment, the nurse had trouble accessing my port. I was getting a little freaked out because she kept pressing down on it and it was hurting and all red and sore.
This had never happened before.
And that’s when I started breaking out.
Afterward, the nurse came back and said:
“Unfortunately, because you have rashes all over, we won’t be able to give you treatment today.”
I had a complete meltdown…
IN MY MIND.
Another delay?
Is the cancer going to start growing?
OMG, I specifically took this day off from work because of the holiday and now I have to reschedule?
When am I going to find time to reschedule?!
I managed to calm myself down.
Luckily, I had an appointment with my oncologist the very next day at my regular cancer center because…
After 2½ months…
YAY!!! THEY FINALLY REOPENED!!!
I was SO excited to go back and see all my favorite nurses and everyone else.
My medical team is one of my main support systems.
I absolutely love and trust my oncologist, and the nurses know me. I really feel like they’re rooting for me and cheering me on.
I missed them so much!
Being shuttled around to different treatment centers where nobody knew me felt so impersonal.
I was starting to feel lonesome and disconnected.
My oncologist was happy to see me too.
She said I was doing really well. My tumor markers looked great, and she reviewed my latest heart scan and said my heart was functioning normally.
Really great news!
She also gave me the option to delay treatment.
Of course I asked:
“Are you sure the cancer won’t start growing during the delay?”
She reassured me that she was comfortable with the delay and told me not to worry.
I also told her I was worried about my upcoming mammogram because I have extremely dense breast tissue, and the mammogram didn’t find my cancer the first time.
She said she would request a diagnostic mammogram with ultrasound and occasionally a breast MRI to be sure.
I’m glad I spoke up and advocated for myself.
Thinking back to the way I was raised, I was taught to be polite, push down my feelings and not question elders or authority figures, whether they were right or wrong, and especially don’t question doctors.
I’m learning that sometimes I need to speak up and ask for what I need.
I also told her that I joined a new support group just for metastatic patients and that I really liked it.
It can get dark and gloomy sometimes, but overall I’m learning so much from all the ladies and feeling so much love and support. And just being, simply being, where everyone just gets it.
They’ve been so welcoming that it really warmed my heart.
It’s truly a safe place where I can share…
Vent…
Rage…
And everyone understands.
We’re all so compassionate toward one another because we’re stuck in this horrible situation together.
Enough about cancer!
My latest obsession is the eagle cam in Big Bear!
OMG.
I had NO IDEA how beautiful Big Bear is.
My sister used to go all the time with her friends, but I’m not really an outdoorsy person so I never went.
But…
I might have to reconsider visiting someday. 🙂
So Jackie + Shadow are the resident bald eagles, and Jackie laid two eggs—January 11th and 14th.
I started watching in the middle of February and got…
SO. EMOTIONALLY. INVESTED.
I would keep the livestream on 24/7.
I could recognize their chortles.
I could tell who was on the nest.
😂
Shadow is such a funny character.
He likes to bring sticks and then keeps trying to arrange them in different spots, but he steps all over Jackie while she’s incubating and sometimes she lets out a squawk!
I was so impressed with their parenting skills.
They were so dedicated, even when it was snowing.
Poor Jackie stayed on the nest all night and got completely covered in snow.
Look…
IT’S AN EAGLOO. 🤣
Sadly, the eggs didn’t hatch. 😦
I guess I’ll have to wait until next year to see little eagle chickies.
Or maybe—fingers crossed—Jackie might lay another clutch sometime soon.
What extraordinary, majestic creatures.
Can you imagine being able to fly?
I always wonder what they’re chirping about.
And I know I shouldn’t be attributing human qualities to birds…
BUT I CAN’T HELP IT!
I was even thinking maybe I should volunteer to be a moderator for the eagle chat. 🤣
There are also YouTubers who record daily recaps, and I love listening to their versions of the Jackie + Shadow saga. 💖
One last thing…
I GOT ANOTHER SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE!
So on Monday, I went back to my newly reopened treatment center.
I got one of my favorite nurses.
I sat down in the chair…
Looked around…
And saw this:
🦅
Until next time…
Take care, my friends!
Sending you all lots of love. 💗
